Is She an Alcoholic or God?
A very strange thing is happening in my life. Don't laugh and don't judge but I am going through the A.A. steps. Yes, I am working myself through each little procedure in the Alcoholics Anonymous program, all 12 steps!
Step 1: Admit you are powerless over alcohol.
I thought to myself, I'm not powerless over alcohol, I don't even drink it, but what in my life do I need to admit I am powerless over?
As I read through the explanation of step 1, I felt like a knife was stabbed into my heart. The author explained how each of us are like the director of our own play. The play is life. We have a certain expectation of how the play should be performed. There are a variety of actors in our lives who we believe should perform exactly how we expect. Our goal is a beautiful, great performance. Our intentions are good, nice, and virtuous. However, when the actors don't perform to meet our expectations, our world collapses. We get angry, feel disappointed, sometimes hurt.
As the "director" of our life, we wonder about our spouse, children, friends, co-workers, kids teachers, "What are they thinking?" The play we have in mind is the best possible life, oops I meant drama. We get frustrated. My daughter is ruining it. She won't try out for cheer or do dance. My son isn't making straight As. My husband just sits and watches TV. My best friend won't help me with the volunteer stuff at the kids school. We can't afford the big house and the fancy purse and earrings. "WAIT! EVERYBODY JUST STOP!! This is not the play I am directing!" We want to scream or feel sorry for ourselves. If everyone will do what we say, it will be perfect!!
The A.A. book says we are in constant collision with people and things because we want what we want and they won't do it!!
Bottom line: Quit playing God.
The more I thought about it, the more the knife turned deep into my heart. Who am I to try to dictate the life God intends for my family? What are my expectations for the actors in my life and what constant collisions am I causing because I'm trying to be God? There were so many I decided to pick the most important and start there.
It's been a tough week, but I'm admitting (or learning to admit) I'm powerless over my husband.
What about you? What or who are you trying to control? Try admitting you are powerless and see what happens. I can tell you it's not easy. I've literally been writing, "I am powerless over Rick" in my journal over and over until my mind and body agree with and will flesh out what my soul knows is true, "I ain't his boss!" I've apologized for robbing God of what He intended our marriage to be and I'm asking him daily to restore myself and my husband to that beautiful relationship.
Join me in throwing down your director's hat, relinquishing to God His rights, and admit your are powerless. It sure is freeing!
Step 1: Admit you are powerless over alcohol.
I thought to myself, I'm not powerless over alcohol, I don't even drink it, but what in my life do I need to admit I am powerless over?
As I read through the explanation of step 1, I felt like a knife was stabbed into my heart. The author explained how each of us are like the director of our own play. The play is life. We have a certain expectation of how the play should be performed. There are a variety of actors in our lives who we believe should perform exactly how we expect. Our goal is a beautiful, great performance. Our intentions are good, nice, and virtuous. However, when the actors don't perform to meet our expectations, our world collapses. We get angry, feel disappointed, sometimes hurt.
As the "director" of our life, we wonder about our spouse, children, friends, co-workers, kids teachers, "What are they thinking?" The play we have in mind is the best possible life, oops I meant drama. We get frustrated. My daughter is ruining it. She won't try out for cheer or do dance. My son isn't making straight As. My husband just sits and watches TV. My best friend won't help me with the volunteer stuff at the kids school. We can't afford the big house and the fancy purse and earrings. "WAIT! EVERYBODY JUST STOP!! This is not the play I am directing!" We want to scream or feel sorry for ourselves. If everyone will do what we say, it will be perfect!!
The A.A. book says we are in constant collision with people and things because we want what we want and they won't do it!!
Bottom line: Quit playing God.
The more I thought about it, the more the knife turned deep into my heart. Who am I to try to dictate the life God intends for my family? What are my expectations for the actors in my life and what constant collisions am I causing because I'm trying to be God? There were so many I decided to pick the most important and start there.
It's been a tough week, but I'm admitting (or learning to admit) I'm powerless over my husband.
What about you? What or who are you trying to control? Try admitting you are powerless and see what happens. I can tell you it's not easy. I've literally been writing, "I am powerless over Rick" in my journal over and over until my mind and body agree with and will flesh out what my soul knows is true, "I ain't his boss!" I've apologized for robbing God of what He intended our marriage to be and I'm asking him daily to restore myself and my husband to that beautiful relationship.
Join me in throwing down your director's hat, relinquishing to God His rights, and admit your are powerless. It sure is freeing!
"I know that nothing good lives in me, that
is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I
cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18
posted by Stephanie Chase @ 1:54 PM
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