Embarrass Your Kids Day

How many times have your children totally emabarrassed you in public?

I remember one day after work I stopped by "K-mart." (Yes, this was back in the day.) I was directing a preschool & had to pick up something for the school that was on sale. This was also before grocery carts had the 2 plastic seats built in for children. Michael was 4 mo. & in a car seat. The car seat was sitting in the front basket of the cart. Nicole & Tori were 5 and 3. They were walking beside the cart.

We got the item I needed along with a basketful of other things, and headed for the checkout. Nicole picked up a piece of candy and was looking at it while we were checking out. Tori decided she wanted that 1 piece of candy. These 2 precious preschool girls proceeded to have a cage fight right there in line. They were screaming, pulling hair, pushing each other, yelling, scratching. Both started to cry. Michael, not to be left out of the mix, started screaming at the top of his lungs.

I tried every mother trick -the stare, the polite asking, the firm talk down on my knees, the threat, everything except beating them in public, which at the time was what I wanted to do! The lady at the checkout continued to punch keys (before the scanner too). She kept asking me questions. I couldn't hear her over the WWF going on at my feet. I tried to get money out of my wallet. It was no use.

EVERY person at EVERY check out line was now looking at the mother with the 3 children who in a matter of seconds had totally lost their minds!

What did I do? I decided to walk out. I apologized to the lady, left all of my items, & headed for the door in total embarrassment. One small problem, though, Tori refused to go. Nicole was clinging to my leg for life, crying. I was doing the Frankenstein walk trying to move with this kid on my leg. I was carrying a car seat that kept hitting Nicole in the head which made her cry louder & TORI was sitting in the middle of the floor screaming, "I'm not going." I just kept walking, praying that she would follow. I got outside the door and turned to look, knowing God would answer my prayer, and NOPE, no Tori. (What was He doing that was more important than this?)

I walked back into the store still beating 1 child on the head with a car seat, my elastic waist skirt falling off because of Nicole, & 1 child screaming in the car seat. I grabbed Tori by the arm and dragged her across the floor. Yes, the K-mart floor.

It wouldn't have been so bad, except we were checking out at the farthest counter from the door. We passed check out 10, 9, 8, ...she was kicking and screaming. I pressed on. I just kept pulling. Pass 7, 6,5...I was so close to the door. I dared not look up because all of the same people were still checking out. She was pulling against me with all she had, but I didn't let go. Her little fanny slid across that slick K-mart floor like Dorothy Hamil in the Olympics. Pass 4, 3, 2,...still dragging with all my might, Michael & Nicole still crying, and yes my skirt was now exposing 1/2 my rear. I didn't care though. I didn't care if I walked out of that store naked. I just wanted OUT! I had never been more embarrassed in my life.

We all somehow managed to get back in 3 carseats and 1 seatbelt. Once everyone was strapped to the car, I started laughing and couldn't stop. All I could think was, "One day, when you are teenagers, I am going to embarrass you like CRAZY."

So...at random times I get this sudden K-mart urge to embarrass my kids! For some reason, taking Nicole & her friends to school this morning, it hit me! I got that K-mart lovin' feeling!

The great part about teenagers is you really never have to "embarrass" them. You just start talking about it & they freak! As we pulled into the high school this morning, all I said was, "Wouldn't it be fun to honk the horn the whole time you & your friends get out of the car? I could just keep honking while ya'll walk to the front door of the school."

I saw it...that same K-mart look I had so many years ago. The red begins to color their skin. They start to lower in their seat. You know their stomach is starting to turn slowly with anticipation. They're thinking, "Will she really do it?"

I slowly placed my hand over the horn. They started to panic. "No, please, no! We'll do anything for you, just don't honk the horn. Please?????" They gently opened their doors, wondering what was going to happen. They eased out the door and began to walk away.

I didn't honk the horn, but for some twisted reason, I really enjoyed pretending that I was going to embarrass them. Maybe it's retaliation, resentment, or a long held grudge from that day at K-mart. Whatever the reason...if you haven't embarrassed your child lately, today would be a great day!